


flowers in the concrete

by sapphicirene



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, also joy from rv makes a cameo LOL, also side jiyoo heyyy, but not a lot lol, theres like some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicirene/pseuds/sapphicirene
Summary: sua should have seen it coming, really.  falling in love with lee siyeon is inevitable, especially when she's your childhood best friend.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 25
Kudos: 195





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is already completed, i just wanted to stagger the upload of the chapters a bit :) i'll be posting them sundays and wednesdays!! also yes the title is a kacey musgraves lyric

Sua and Siyeon were best friends for as long as _anyone_ could remember. They were inseparable in elementary school, shared neighboring lockers in middle school, and refused to be placed in classes without each other in high school. Their mutual reign of terror started early, and never really stopped. 

They were a handful and a half, constantly getting in trouble but never ratting the other out, being the thorn in the side of countless teachers, friends, and of course their parents. As mischievous as they were as kids, they always seemed to get a pass because of how charming they were together. 

Now that they’re in college, nothing has changed.

Sua, being a year older than Siyeon, should technically be a year ahead of her, but that was not the case. As much as Sua would like to say that her gap year before uni was to save up money, everyone in town knew it was to wait for Siyeon. 

...

And here they are now, messing around in the dark dance studio of their college’s campus. It’s their junior year, and that cozy time between fall and winter. It’s overcast, which makes the unlit room even darker. And boy was it dark, because Sua and Siyeon decided to break into the dance room in between classes out of sheer boredom. 

Siyeon was sitting in the corner of the room, nestled on top of the two girl’s puffy coats. Sua, however, was snooping around in the closet. It’s pretty quiet in the room aside from the occasional creak of the closet door as Sua dives in headfirst, sorting through all kinds of props.

“Siyeon look at this mask! What edgelord decided-”  
  


“Hey! Be nice.” Siyeon quips, though she stands up and walks over to Sua to look at what she had found.

“Look at it though.. GRAAAARRGH!” Sua yells, in a vague attempt to scare Siyeon, one that was widely underwhelming because of how muffled her voice was under the mask. 

Siyeon fakes being scared, hopping back and putting on an almost cartoon-like face, one that makes Sua roar with laughter. She easily could have taken the mask off then and called it a day, but she really felt like teasing Siyeon.

She’s suddenly hit with an idea for such an _ingenious_ prank, and knows she has to see it come to fruition.

“Yeah, I guess it is a little edgy though.” Siyeon concedes, narrowing her eyes and bringing her face closer to the mask to inspect it.

“Right? Well, that’s enough of that.” Sua says with a sigh. She pretends to take the mask off, shifting her head forward just enough to make it look like it’s stuck to her face. She knows she does a good job acting when she sees Siyeon furrow her eyebrows.

“Siyeon. OH MY GOD, it’s stuck!” She yelps, grateful that the mask is hiding her huge grin.

Siyeon comes closer and pats the sides of Sua’s arms in an attempt to comfort her. 

“Okay hold on, I’ll help you. Where is it stuck?” Siyeon says gently, probing around the edges of the lace cautiously.

As funny as this is, Sua can't help but be touched at Siyeon’s composure and sincerity. 

“On my nose, I think.” Sua says, more hurriedly. She continues to fiddle with the mask, amping up the panic to get a response out of Siyeon. The other girl falls for it instantly, her movements getting more nervous.

“Okay. I’m gonna try and move it a little, alright? Tell me if it hurts.” Siyeon says, trying to pull the mask off of her face.

Sua punctuates her focused silence with a scream loud enough to throw Siyeon off and make her take a step back.

“DID I HURT YOU?” Siyeon says, genuine horror on her face.

Well, now Sua just feels bad. She stays quiet and pulls the lacy mask off of her face effortlessly, laughing loudly as she notices how Siyeon’s jaw has dropped and how her eyes have gone wide. She’s too caught up in how funny the whole situation is, and grabs Siyeon and throws her gently against the wall, which makes an echoing boom.

“You’re horrible!” Siyeon says in mock offense, slapping Sua harshly on the arm.

Sua only responds by laughing harder, the mask discarded on the floor as she doubled over in hysterics. By the time she’s calmed down, Siyeon has a pitiful pout on her face, which snaps Sua out of her stupor.

“I was scared you were hurt!” Siyeon continues.

“I’m sorry, Siyeon, I just thought it would be funny.” Sua says in a cute voice, as she matches Siyeon’s pout.

Siyeon responds by rolling her eyes and smiling.

“It was.”

She picks up the mask from the floor and puts it back in the closet, and Sua wordlessly joins her in rearranging all of the other random props before they return to Siyeon’s coat pile together. They had shifted the coats to the front of the wide window in the middle of the room. The second floor of the dance studio overlooked a rather small courtyard area with a fountain, the scraggly remnants of tree branches obscuring parts of the view.

Sua and Siyeon are too busy laughing and chatting to realize that they’d ended up skipping their last class of the day, spending the rest of their school day in the dance room. It was quiet, now, and calm. Sua was at peace.

Sua and Siyeon reclined next to each other, sitting comfortably in each other’s personal space. Sua’s fingers danced anxiously between them, hoping Siyeon would understand what she wanted her to do. The younger girl looks over at Sua, who stares unflinchingly at the landscape in front of them. She’s not sure why she’s so hesitant, as she’s usually the one who initiates the physical contact.

Sua can see Siyeon’s eyes travel down to her hand, and she pauses.

“Do you want me to hold your hand or something?” Siyeon says rather bluntly.

Sua turns to look at her, mortified, but before she can say anything, Siyeon interlaces their fingers and laughs heartily in Sua’s face.

Sua scoffs and squeezes her hand, grateful that Siyeon can always lighten the mood. Sua traces her thumb over the back of Siyeon’s hand, and the two resume staring out the window quietly. 

A few minutes pass, and a light snow starts to fall. It’s the first of the season, and Sua can’t help but think of that old wives’ tale.

“Siyeon, it's snowing.” Sua says quietly, wondering if Siyeon is thinking of the same thing.

“Yep! It sure is, Sua.” Siyeon says dryly, her voice laced with playfulness.

Sua scoffs and removes her hand from Siyeon’s to cross her arms. She huffs and pouts.

“Oh would you stop being so dramatic.” Siyeon says, reaching over to grab Sua’s hand again, and Sua doesn’t put up a fight. This time, it's Siyeon that gives their intertwined fingers a gentle squeeze.

“Okay, what were you trying to say?” Siyeon says gently, facing Sua. 

“You know that stupid old saying that says, like, whoever you watch the first snow with, you’ll stay together with for a long time?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Well, you know this is the first snow, right?” Sua says, unsure why she’s feeling so nervous.

“Yeah, I do. But I didn’t need to watch the first snow with you to know that we’d be together for a long time.” Siyeon says matter-of-factly. 

“Oh. W-Well I was just saying cause-” Sua stutters out, of all things she thought Siyeon would say, that was not what she expected.

Siyeon just shrugs, and leans over to put her head on Sua’s shoulder. It’s not unusual for them to do, especially because they’ve been friends for so long, but never once has such a small touch given Sua such butterflies.

“You’re pretty cool Sua, I’d love to stay with you forever.” Siyeon adds quietly.

The two girls sit together like this for what seems like forever. Sua’s mind is reeling. Do friends say that kind of stuff to each other? 

Sua’s thoughts are interrupted by a loud grumble of Siyeon’s stomach. Both girls giggle and they turn to look at each other.

“You wanna go home for lunch?” Sua offers.

Siyeon nods and they get up and start their walk home in the first snowfall of the season.

...

  
Siyeon opens the front door, letting out a hearty “M’Lady…” as she bows and holds open the door for Sua. She responds with an overly loud laugh and a slap to Siyeon’s arm.

The apartment they share with 2 other girls is nothing special, but they’ve all made it home. It’s small, but it’s always cozy, and there’s rarely a time where the whole apartment doesn’t smell like cinnamon and fall in general. It’s nice, and Sua loves it and her roommates very dearly. 

“Hey, we’re back!” Sua announces, taking her shoes off and going to knock on the doors of the other girls they live with. It’s not too late in the day, but their other roommates are known for their late afternoon naps.

Sua knocks once more before busting open the door of their eldest roommate, Jiu. She’s met with a rather loud scream and a flurry of movements from under the covers on her bed.

“WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM!? DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO KNOCK?” Jiu screeches out, clearly in a fluster over being woken up.

“I did. Twice.” Sua says knowingly, smiling while Siyeon laughs loudly behind her.

“Oh.” Was the only response from Jiu, who was now sitting up in bed, her purple hair strewn about wildly.

Sua continues to lean in the doorway.

“Where’s Yoohyeon?” She continues.

Sua knows it’s a loaded question. Jiu and Yoohyeon had been sneaking around a lot more lately, and had been acting very strange in general. Sua had definitely noticed, and she wanted confirmation to soothe her nosy suspicions. 

Jiu’s eyes dart to the side quickly, to the part of her room that couldn’t be seen from the doorway.

“Oh.. she’s at the store I think..”

“NO I’M NOT!” A rather bright voice pipes in, and Yoohyeon leans into sight of the doorway to look at Sua. She smiles warmly at her and waves gently at both Sua and Siyeon.

Jiu’s eyes go wide and she falls back into bed, groaning loudly and pulling the covers over her head out of embarrassment. 

“Wait why are you so mortified Jiu? She’s just sitting there.” Siyeon pipes in, her eyebrow raising in confusion. 

All they hear is a muffled sound from under Jiu’s comforter.

“She wanted me to sit in here and keep her company while she napped because-” Yoohyeon responds nonchalantly, but is quickly cut off by yet another groan.

“AH STOP! They’ve heard enough.” Jiu whines, kicking her feet under the covers while the other girls giggle.

“It's okay Jiu, me and Sua nap together sometimes!” Siyeon says brightly, smiling and stealing a glance at Sua, who looks horrified.

“NO! That’s not true she means in separate beds in separate rooms just at the same time.” Sua stammers out, her face going beet red.

This time it's Jiu and Yoohyeon laughing knowingly, while Siyeon tries to hide her dismay. Yoohyeon walks over to the girls and shoos them out of the room.

“You two can go talk _that_ over, let Jiu finish napping!” Yoohyeon says in between giggles, shutting the door rather crassly in front of them both.

...

Siyeon and Sua walk to the living room together and sit inches apart on the couch. There’s a pit in Sua’s stomach, she feels equally confused by her own vehement denial and Siyeon’s obvious disappointment.

“Why did you say we don’t nap together? I thought you said I was a good big spoon?” Siyeon says, her head tilting at Sua.

Sua shushes her instantly and places a hand on her thigh.

“I do think you’re a good big spoon but-”

“So why did you lie and say we don’t nap together? It’s not like it's a big deal. We’ve been best friends forever, and I'm sure it's not shocking to anyone here.” Siyeon says, a pout forming on her face.

Sua places her other hand on the back of her neck and rubs it to try and soothe her own confusion. Why was she so hell-bent on denying anything like that? Siyeon wasn’t wrong at all.

“I don’t know, I guess.” She spits out weakly. “We _have_ been friends forever.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sua. You know they aren’t weird about anything. And you know nothing will ever be weird between us.”

Sua nods weakly and shakes herself out of her stupor, resuming to her usual hyperactivity.

“So! Do you wanna have some ramen? I think I’m gonna make some for myself right now.” She says, shooting up from the couch and looking at Siyeon.

Siyeon’s eyes look different. There’s something deeper behind her eyes, something that gives Sua butterflies. Why is she looking at her like that?

“Of course.” Siyeon says with a warm smile, placing her own hand over Sua’s, eventually following her to the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for leaving comments and kudos, it really means so much!! hope you enjoy the update ^-^

Siyeon ends up preparing both of their lunches when she notices how mentally drawn out the older girl seems. The atmosphere was quiet, and Sua felt like she was in space, tethered to a ship and drifting out more and more as time went on. She’s getting caught up in her thoughts now, and she feels like she needs a wake up call.

She’s incredibly grateful when she hears the clack of the stove turning off, which successfully breaks her out of her jumbled haze.

“So you think Yoohyeon and Jiu are..” Siyeon starts.

She finishes her sentence by placing the two bowls of ramen on the table, the one with more broth and less noodles for Sua, and the one with extra portions stays on Siyeon’s side of the table. It’s nice having someone who knows your smallest preferences, and Sua is inwardly very grateful. She shows how appreciative she is by slurping up a few noodles loudly, and squinting her eyes into a very kind eye smile. Siyeon giggles and sits down and joins her.

“There’s something going on for sure.” Sua finally answers, poking at her ramen.

“Mhm. They’ve been acting weird for a while.”

The word “weird” doesn’t sit right with Sua. It prickles at something within her, and she gets defensive.

  
  
“‘Weird.’” she echoes. “As if we don’t do the same stuff they do.” Sua retorts, a pit forming in her stomach at the thought of Siyeon finding their own dynamic odd.

“Yeah but _we’re_ not weird about it or trying to hide anything.” Siyeon says, smiling shyly into her next mouthful of food.

Sua gasps and lightly kicks the other girl’s shin under the table out of shock. She knows Siyeon’s not wrong, but the implication is just jarring to hear out loud.

“What!”

Sua hums into her next bite, biding time and building courage. She still feels uneasy about the whole situation, especially because Siyeon seemed to up the ante and air out some of the things neither of them had dared to before.

“Do you actually think we act like they do? Like.. in _that_ way?” Sua says, genuinely curious. 

Siyeon puts down her chopsticks and furrows her brow.

“I think we act like close friends?” She says, ending her statement like she’s unsure of her own answer.

Sua is relieved. She can’t see herself dating Siyeon. She just can’t. They’re friends, that’s how it’s always been. And even if she DID entertain the idea, it’s comforting knowing that Siyeon would at the least be a little confused about it as well.

“Okay, me too.” Sua says a little too quickly, focusing on her food instead of the conversation at hand.

“Where is this coming from?” Siyeon presses on.

Sua sits in silence, unsure how to answer. 

“Do you wanna be _more_ than that?” Siyeon continues. Her voice is entirely serious and unwavering.

Sua starts coughing on her ramen.

“WHAT?”

“Like, do you want to date each other.” Siyeon sits stoically, as if she’s rooted in place. 

“No not at all!” Sua responds in a panic. She can feel her face heating up.

“Are you sure about that? You’re blushing a whole lot...” Siyeon says, reaching over the table to pinch one of Sua’s cheeks. She’s smiling, but Sua sees disappointment flash in her eyes for just a second. It’s unmistakable, yet she chooses to ignore it.

Sua swats Siyeon’s hand away and crosses her arms.

“Why are you teasing me so much today!” Sua says in faux anger.

“You make it too easy.” Siyeon replies, giggling at Sua’s indignant face. “Finish eating before your food gets cold, silly.” 

That last sentence sustains the blush on Sua’s face, but she listens to the younger girl and they continue eating together. It was an unspoken agreement between both of them to move on before the mood sours. If Sua was confused before, she’s even more thrown off now.

...

After they had finished eating lunch, they both retired to their separate rooms to do some work for the day. Sua flopped lazily onto her bed and started scrolling through her phone to procrastinate. She somehow finds her way to Siyeon’s instagram, looking through all of her pictures. It’s mostly artsy stuff and some random group photos with all of their friends. Sua scrolls to a picture of both of them, taken at the local aquarium. Sua and Siyeon’s cheeks are squished together and they’re making fish lips in front of one of the big exhibits. Sua smiles and keeps scrolling. 

She’s nearing the end of Siyeon’s entire feed, some 250 posts, when she sees a picture of Siyeon and her ex, Joy. They’re dressed up for some fancy event and clearly look like a couple. The picture is from 2 years ago, according to the timestamp on the bottom of the post. Sua tries to pretend what she feels isn’t jealousy. 

She sends the post to Siyeon with the message:

_“dude this is 2 years old why havent u deleted lol”_

It only takes Siyeon a second to respond.

_didnt notice it i guess. I’ll delete it now haha_

_wait why were u looking at my posts from 2 years ago_

Sua has no reasonable answer, so she makes one up.

_bored i guess_

She wonders why she even cared enough to point it out. Joy was nice to her and to Siyeon. Why should she care? Their relationship had ended on a good note, too. Logically, she has no reason to be jealous, but she is anyway. She doesn’t exactly feel like exploring the cause of these feelings, and decides to take a nap. 

...

When Sua laid down, it was still daytime. But now it's nearly sunset and there's a slight breeze in her room that wasn’t present earlier, so someone must have opened the window. She feels her hair being brushed out of her eyes, slender fingers dragging gently over the shape of her face.

Sua makes a slight groan, and slowly opens her eyes. Siyeon is standing by her bed and smiling down at her. Her fingers never stop tracing the outline of her face. The movements are so light, delicate and calculated.

“I was just making dinner. You want some?” She says quietly. Siyeon sits on the edge of the bed to get closer to Sua.

“Can you lay with me for a second? I’m too sleepy.” Sua responds, choosing not to think too much about the things that were fogging her mind earlier.

Siyeon’s face lights up and she nods gently. Sua flips to her other side so Siyeon could slide behind her. She feels her arm drape lightly over her waist, and Siyeon’s face is buried in the pillow behind Sua. There’s a few inches of space between them, but it feels like a mile today. Sua makes an annoyed noise, knowing that Siyeon will know exactly what she wants. Siyeon giggles and scoots closer.

“Better?” Siyeon says quietly, right into the shell of Sua’s ear. 

The older girl shivers at Siyeon’s voice, and cozys back into her, that being a sufficient answer. Siyeon’s fingers lay gently on Sua’s stomach, and she taps them mindlessly.

They lay there for a few more minutes before Siyeon gently removes her arm and rolls over. Sua whines and tries to pull her back, but Siyeon just laughs and resists her efforts.

“I don’t want my meat to burn!” She says in response. “Come on sleepyhead, let’s go eat.” 

Siyeon stands up gently and beckons Sua to follow her with a single finger. Siyeon leaves before Sua even gets up, and she has a moment to herself to inwardly smile. 

...

Sua walks out of her room and into the kitchen where her 3 roommates all sit and make conversation.

“And so then I said-” 

Their conversation halts when they notice Sua enter the room.

“Oh WOW Sua’s awake! Hello sleeping beauty!” Jiu teases.

Sua scoffs and punches her arm.

“As if YOU weren’t the one screaming at me for waking you up earlier, weirdo.” Sua retorts, pulling out a chair opposite Yoohyeon (the chair next to herself is for Siyeon, obviously). Jiu and Siyeon are hovered over the stove, poking at a few pieces of meat in the pan.

“Smells good!” She says excitedly, playing with her chopsticks on the table.

“Of course it does. I’m the best cook here!” Siyeon says exasperatedly, which was met with reluctant sighs and mumbles of agreement.

Siyeon walks over to the table and puts the pan on a trivet. Today Siyeon’s made bulgogi, and it looks and smells divine. Siyeon is about to sit next to Yoohyeon when Sua gasps at her.

“You aren’t gonna sit next to me?” She whines.

All three of the girls try to repress a smile.

“Why, do you _want_ me to sit there?” Siyeon teases.

Sua pauses before responding.

“Yes of course, my queen! What would I do without my partner in crime and my soulmate sitting beside me?”

Siyeon laughs heartily, her eyes forming into little crescents, and Sua is pleased with her own answer. Siyeon ends up sitting in her usual seat, right next to Sua.

All four girls eat comfortably, laughing and conversing freely. They have all been friends since high school, and they remained close in college. As close as Sua and Siyeon are, their synergy as a group is unmatched. All but Sua were vocal majors, she being in the dance program herself. Not that that meant much though, as they all seemed to be in the same classes for the most part.

“Did you guys finish that assignment from Modern Dance 102 yet?” Yoohyeon says between bites of her dinner.

The other girls all shake their heads. Yoohyeon sighs and rolls her eyes.

“You guys know that's due, like, at the end of the week, right?” She continues.

Sua makes a dismissive noise and shrugs.

“Well Siyeon’s my partner so I know we’ll be fine. We can just go study in the library or whatever, right?”

Siyeon nods brightly and smiles.

“Mhm! We can go tomorrow. Aren’t you two partners also?”

Jiu and Yoohyeon both respond with a curt “Yep!”

“Well… do you guys wanna go to the library together?” Siyeon adds.

Sua’s head swivels to look at her, and she gives Siyeon the most pleading and pathetic puppy dog eyes she could muster. As much as she loves the other girls, Siyeon is aware of how much Sua values their alone time together. People always joked that Sua and Siyeon were like each other’s shadows, which was nothing too far from the truth.

Siyeon catches on quick, like she always does, and backtracks.

“Oh crap I forgot, I think the professor said he didn’t want us working in groups of more than 2. Sorry guys.”

“It’s okay, you can just say you and Sua want your 70 minutes in heaven behind the presentation room. No one here would bat an eye.” Jiu says plainly, shooting a playful glance at both of them.

Yoohyeon slaps Jiu on the arm and tries her best to act offended on their behalf, though she ends up giggling instead. 

Sua feels the heat rising to her face and speaks before she can think.

“And what about it? Don’t be jealous that Siyeon pays more attention to me than the rest of the entire female body at school.” 

She ends her statement with a cute smile and an effortless shrug.

“She’s not wrong.” Siyeon says, which earns a proud smile from Sua.

“When are you two just gonna get married already? It’s unbearable at this point just watching you both pretend like you aren’t madly in love.” Yoohyeon butts in, one brow shooting up and her face crinkled into a frown.

“It’s not like that.” Sua says matter of factly. “It’s not my fault I’m very beautiful and talented and that I understand Siyeon better than she does.” She says, wrapping her arm around Siyeon’s shoulders to accentuate her point.

“And hey, don’t act like we don’t know you two have been sneaking around.” Siyeon adds in, bringing her hand up to interlock with Sua’s fingers resting on her shoulder.

Jiu and Yoohyeon exchange a quick glance.

“Well we were gonna wait to tell you until we were more official but yeah there’s. Mutual… feelings of.. You know…” Jiu stammers out.

“No I don’t know actually, can you finish what you’re saying?” Yoohyeon questions, sticking her face dangerously close to Jiu’s.

“Fine! I like you.” Jiu says shortly, averting her eyes and blushing severely.

“Aww I like you too… look at how cute she is.” Yoohyeon says, brushing the side of Jiu’s head lovingly.

Sua and Siyeon pretend to violently gag as they sit across from the other two girls and their sickly sweet display of affection.

“You guys are cute I GUESS.” Sua says, squeezing Siyeon’s fingers between her own.

“Yeah.. not cuter than us though.” Siyeon adds, reciprocating Sua’s squeeze and scooting ever so closer to her.

There’s a blanket of warmth that sweeps throughout Sua’s body. She entertains her thoughts for a second. Would she really date Siyeon? She’s undoubtedly the prettiest girl she had ever seen, she’s hilarious without even trying (and funnier when she does try), and their bond runs so much deeper than they would ever hint at. Sua glances over at Siyeon, and it feels like time slows.

The warm and knowing smile on Siyeon’s face puts her at ease. She feels comfortable. She feels loved. Siyeon feels like home. And that realization frightens the hell out of her. Sua pulls her arm away and shrinks back into herself. 

The warm feeling in her body quickly grows cold when she notices Siyeon frown at the loss of contact. There’s a stagnant silence in the air now. The joking and friendly nature at the table becomes awkward as all three girls stare at Sua for what feels like forever. She can’t think straight, her mind is reeling with too many thoughts, too many what-ifs.

“I’m gonna go do some work. Goodnight.” Sua says quickly, getting up from the table so abruptly that she doesn’t even stop to clean her place at the table or push her chair in.

She hears the other girls whispering amongst themselves as she walks to her room and slams the door, too absorbed by her own thoughts to notice. There’s a prickly feeling in the back of her throat and she knows she’s about to cry.

Sua rarely cries. 

She starts a warm shower for herself and sinks to the floor, crying quietly as the warm water pelts her relentlessly. She’s not sure how much time passes, but at least she’s not thinking about the feelings she doesn’t want to admit she has.

She finishes her shower and changes into her favorite oversized t-shirt (ignoring the fact that it’s actually Siyeon’s) and pajama pants. She lets out one big sigh and puts all of this behind her for now. She doesn’t wanna think anymore.

Sua sits at her desk and opens her laptop, opening her college’s course website to try and actually get some work done. She’s met with a barrage of notifications, pop-up windows of conversations, and a calendar full of coursework to do. She stares at the screen and feels like she’s being eaten alive. Everything just seems like too much right now.

Sua lets out a frustrated groan and slams the lid of her laptop closed, opting instead to lay in bed on her phone. There’s a few irrelevant notifications that she swipes away, but notices texts from her roommates.

**_jiu_ **

_are you okay? im here if you need me._

**_yooh_ **

_love you. get some rest…_

For some reason she’s more annoyed by these texts than anything, and the lack of message from Siyeon is painfully apparent. Usually her phone is lighting up solely from Siyeon sending her texts, Instagram posts, or TikToks. It’s weird, and it feels empty. 

Her room is dim, the tiny lamp in the corner making her room seem eerie. There’s still a breeze coming in from when Siyeon opened the window earlier. Sua gets out of bed to close the window and fights off tears. Siyeon’s presence is in every single part of her life and she doesn’t know what she would do without her. 

Her feelings for Siyeon are more terrifying than anything else she could focus on. She’s so afraid to lose her, and just the thought of it makes her chest tighten, because if there’s one thing she values more than anything else in the world, it’s Siyeon. 

Just as she’s beginning to get lost in thought again, there's a soft knock at the door.

“Sua, it's Yoohyeon. Can you open the door please?”

For a second, she contemplates being alone. She doesn’t know what to think about the relief coursing through her that it's not Siyeon at the door. Not that she didn’t want to see her (because of course she did), she just wouldn’t know what to say.

She thinks it's best not to be alone now, though. Sua trudges over to the door, and opens it just enough to see Yoohyeon standing in front of her, clasping her hands awkwardly.

“Yes?” She comes off more curt than she intended.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes?” She echoes.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Well you would have to tell me that, Sua.” Yoohyeon quips back.

_Ah. Right._

“Uh… you can come in I guess. But close the door please.”

Sua walks back over to her bed and smooths out the comforter before sitting down rigidly on the edge of her bed. Yoohyeon sits next to her, placing her hand on Sua’s upper back and rubbing it gently.

Sua and Siyeon were close, obviously, but Yoohyeon is so in tune with Sua, and always has been. She and Yoohyeon had been friends for so long, and interacting with her was second nature.

Sua lets herself sit and be attended to by Yoohyeon’s comforting touch. It’s different than Siyeon’s, but it's still soothing nonetheless. 

“If you don’t wanna talk either, that’s okay Sua.” She says, her fingers making small circles in place on her upper back.

“There’s just so much going on.”

“Like with school?”

“Like with everything. It’s too much.”

There’s a comfortable silence. A pause where Sua thinks about what she should say next. She’s not the best at making her emotions clear, nor does she like being vulnerable. Before she can think of something else to add, Yoohyeon speaks once more.

“I can’t read your mind, but I know everything's gonna be okay. Everything has to end sometime.”

_Isn’t that what’s so scary though? Being vulnerable and having it all come to an end? Losing her best friend?_

Sua’s breath hitches and she closes her eyes. It all feels like so much, still.

“That’s what sucks Yoohyeon.”

“That things end?”

Sua just answers with a weak nod.

“You know, some of the best things can only happen because _other_ things come to an end.”

“That’s corny bullshit.” She responds instantly. Yoohyeon’s response seems insensitive and vapid.

“It’s not. Give yourself some time.” She responds. “Anything is gonna be confusing if you’re vilifying yourself for having feelings and then _not_ letting yourself feel them.”

“You’re very cryptic.” Sua responds plainly. She knows Yoohyeon’s right. “But I guess you make a fair point. Why are feelings so hard?”

“No clue, buddy. It just sucks sometimes. And that’s okay too.”

“Mhm.”

“Are you okay though?” 

“Mhm.”

There’s a pause where Sua weighs out her options. She thinks that maybe Yoohyeon is right, that she needs to let herself _feel_ these feelings, so she decides to put it out in the open.

“Do you want me to leave-?”

Sua pauses.

“I think I have feelings for Siyeon.”

The color drains from Yoohyeon’s face. She tries to hide the way she straightens her posture in shock, but Sua notices anyway. 

“Wait what did you just say? You actually DO have feelings for her?”

Sua’s eyes go wide. It’s safe to say that wasn’t the reaction she expected, even if she did spring it on her randomly. She knows she has to take it back now. She was way too fragile in the moment to deal with her _own_ reaction to these feelings, nonetheless Yoohyeon’s.

Sua forces a loud and hearty laugh, slapping the top of Yooyeon’s thigh.

“No! Of course not.. You just got too serious.”

Yoohyeon isn’t convinced. Her brows furrow and she shifts a bit to face Sua better.

“Are you sure... That’s kinda weird just to bring up out of nowhere. Even for you.” Yoohyeon says.

“Yeah I’m sure. It was just a joke.”

“You know its okay if you do have-”

Sua cuts her off.

“I don’t.” 

She’s embarrassed now. Sua’s incredibly thankful for the dinky lamp that doesn’t fully light up her room, because she can feel her cheeks growing hotter by the second.

Yoohyeon removes her hand from Sua’s back and moves it to her lap, clasping her hands together. It got incredibly tense out of nowhere and neither woman knew how to react.

There’s a long, uncomfortable pause before Sua speaks.

“Sorry. I’ve just felt weird today.” Sua says. “Thank you for checking in on me… I promise I’m okay.

Yoohyeon nods and reaches over for her hand to squeeze it.

“Sua, whatever you need, I’m here. I won’t judge you for anything, you know that.” 

“I know.”

Yoohyeon stands up, and gives Sua a small smile filled with immeasurable warmth, and leaves.

Sua sits on her bed, alone. Somehow she feels like she’s being swallowed alive. It’s a lonely night, and all she wants is for Siyeon to come in and tell her everything is gonna be okay. 

The more she thinks about it, the more it’s possible she has feelings for Siyeon. She’s all she thinks about, even now. _Especially_ now, when she feels alone and sad and small. Sua feels too vulnerable right now to ask for Siyeon’s presence, as much as she craves it. There’s something in the back of her head telling her that if Siyeon really wanted to be here for her, she would be. 

And why wasn’t she?

Sua and Siyeon rarely fight, but when they do it’s hard for both of them. Most of the time they don’t really bring it up, just letting the problem fade into obscurity. The other times, Jiu and Yoohyeon have to intervene. It’s not that they don’t know how to communicate, because that’s the farthest thing from the truth. Sua feels like Siyeon is an extension of herself sometimes, the way that they both can understand and be understood so easily. Their problem lies in the rare instance they can’t connect, because it feels so foreign and so cripplingly uncomfortable.

This is one of those times. But Sua is nowhere near ready to talk about it. She wants to, god does she want to, but like Yoohyeon said she needs to sit on these feelings more. Sua is afraid to lose Siyeon, but there’s a hopeful part of her that doubts that will happen.

For now, she decides to sleep, hoping that tomorrow will be better.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm.... but seriously this is all just fluff LMAO.... again thanks so much for leaving comments and kudos i appreciate it more than you know!!

Sua doesn’t remember falling asleep at all, but boy is she grateful it’s the weekend. She checks her phone and sighs when she sees it’s 11:30, she usually doesn’t sleep this late. 

She misses Siyeon. It’s only been 12 hours since she’s seen her. Sua sighs again, wondering if this intense of a longing is only platonic, though it sure doesn’t seem like it.

Sua looks around her room, still a little groggy. Usually Siyeon wakes her up with breakfast, so she can’t say she's not disappointed. Sua is still bogged down about the gravity of her feelings, but being without Siyeon outweighs anything else she could really think about, so she decides to text her.

_hi_

Siyeon’s response was instantaneous.

_can i come to ur room_

_yea_

  
  


Sua hears loud and quick footsteps from the other side of the apartment, which makes her start laughing. Siyeon busts open the door with a huge grin and shuffles excitedly over to where Sua was still laying in bed. Siyeon lowers her face to Sua’s, inches apart. Sua stops laughing and her breath catches in her throat. She feels her pulse quicken as Siyeon gets closer and closer, Sua sitting there frozen.

Siyeon gets ever so closer, resting her forehead against Sua’s.

“Good morning….” Siyeon whispers, squinting her eyes and smiling shyly.

Sua’s pace quickens again, and it’s hard to breathe. She could kiss Siyeon right now. She absolutely could. And god, does she want to.

“What are you doing?” Sua says meekly. 

It takes all of her self control not to look at Siyeon’s lips.

“I missed you!” She says, as if that’s any explanation for why she’s so close.

“I’ve been here the whole time though.”

“Yeah but I was worried and I didn’t wanna disturb you and-” Siyeon stops herself and pulls away from Sua. She looks concerned, as if she said too much. 

“You were worried about me?”

Siyeon nods earnestly, her eyes dripping with honey. Sua can’t help but appreciate how gorgeous she looks. The sun is illuminating her perfectly, casting an ethereal glow over her. Her long black hair is strewn about wildly (probably from her sprint to Sua’s room), yet it falls perfectly over her features. Siyeon’s still in her pajamas, and Sua’s eyes travel down her body, she somehow manages to look stunning in the simplest of outfits. 

“Yeah…” she trails off.

“Siyeon you’re so beautiful.” Sua says.

“Huh?” Siyeon responds, genuinely taken aback. Sua notices a slight blush on her cheeks.

“You’re stunning. And thank you for worrying about me, but I’m okay.”

“Oh.. okay.” It’s clear Siyeon is unsure what to say.

“So.”

“So….. Do you want to…”

Sua knows where this is going, and simply opens her arms for the younger girl. Siyeon smiles widely and clambers into bed, making herself comfortable in Sua’s arms.

Siyeon rests her head in the crook of Sua’s neck. This wasn’t entirely unfamiliar territory for them, but it seemed different today. More intimate, even. Sua decides to card her fingers through Siyeon’s hair, to which the latter lets out a blissful sigh. 

“That feels really nice.” She says, her voice muffled.

Sua just hums in agreement, unsure of what to say. She shows her appreciation through touch, and she knows Siyeon understands.

The two sit there quietly, and Sua is grateful for this moment, the way that they can lay with each other and not have it be complex. Despite the unending stream of anxiety and doubt rattling through Sua’s mind, Siyeon calms all of that without even trying.

It’s been a few minutes, and Sua realizes how much she’s dreading this moment to be over. Her heart races. It’s getting harder and harder for her to deny how strong her feelings were. With Siyeon lying here in her arms so peacefully, it’s hard to wonder how she _wouldn’t_ be irrevocably and undeniably in love with her. 

“I love being with you.” Siyeon says shyly, interrupting Sua’s train of thought, as if she was reading her mind.

Sua is grateful Siyeon can’t see the way her eyes widen.

“Me too…”

“I know. I can hear your heart racing, duh.” Siyeon says, a little huff of a laugh following her sentence.

That was _very_ forward. Sua sits still in shock, and her fingers stop carding through Siyeon’s hair. It’s not like she can deny her at all, she can literally _hear_ the impact she has on Sua.

“Do you think it’s.. weird?” she says tentatively. 

“Feel.” Siyeon says.

Siyeon sits up just enough to expose her chest, and guides Sua’s hand to where her heart lies. Sua is taken aback when she can feel Siyeon’s heart is racing.

Siyeon only smiles gently while Sua tries to process everything. Why was her heart pounding too? The look in Siyeon’s eyes is nothing less than loving. It’s so very clear to her now.

“Do you…” Sua says, too frightened to finish her thought.

Siyeon raises an eyebrow in response, allowing Sua to finish her question.

“...want to get breakfast?” she finishes. It’s not even remotely what she had wanted to say. Sua is frustrated with herself, but she’s also not ready to admit what she feels just yet.

Siyeon smiles at her. She’s patient. 

“Of course! I made french toast. Whenever you’re ready.”

That last sentence seemed incredibly calculated. Sua couldn’t help but feel as if Siyeon knew. Knew how she felt, and knew she was too frightened to do anything about it yet. Despite that, nothing felt different between them. 

Sua grinned back at her, infinitely grateful for Siyeon’s understanding.

“Yay! My favorite!!”

Siyeon stood up and held her hand out, both to help Sua out of bed and to hold her hand. Siyeon interlaced their fingers together and squeezed.

...

They both eat their french toast together, sat across the table from each other. The entire atmosphere has been giddy, both girls extra playful and affectionate. Sua reaches over the table to give Siyeon a piece of her food, and Siyeon opts to eat the piece of toast directly from her hand. The sensation of soft lips on Sua’s fingertips is not one that she expected, but not one she’s complaining about either.

“So yummy…” Siyeon says, nodding fervently between bites.

“Well you did make it so, I’m sure you know how you’d like your own food.” Sua says absentmindedly.

“You’re right. Wow Sua, you are _SO_ smart.” Siyeon says, a teasing grin on her face.

“And gorgeous. And talented. And also really cool.” Sua says, placing both hands under her chin and wiggling them playfully.

Of course, Sua was teasing, but the playful chagrin behind Siyeon’s eyes turns into something she can’t exactly place. It’s like she's seeing through her rather than looking at her.

“Yeah. You are.” Siyeon says, her eyes shining.

Sua’s not sure what makes her feel so vulnerable but that comment alone makes her avert her eyes. It’s getting harder and harder to pass these feelings off as platonic, especially since even that small implication sends flurries of butterflies to her stomach.

“You’re all of those and more Sua.” Siyeon continues.

“Oh stop, I'm just sitting here eating. I didn’t do anything special!” She says, adding in a dismissive wave to distract from the rosy sheen on her cheeks.

“Yeah but all you have to _do_ is sit there and eat and I think you’re the coolest and most gorgeous girl in the whole world.” Siyeon says, smiling awkwardly at Sua.

It feels like a confession.

“Siyeon…. I don’t know what to say.” She hears her voice crack as her voice trails off, overwhelmed with emotion.

“You aren’t gonna CRY now are you?” Siyeon says jokingly, though she stands up from her chair to go over to Sua and comfort her. 

She stands behind where Sua is sitting and drapes both of her arms over Sua’s front, resting her chin on Sua’s shoulder. Siyeon turns to look at the older woman, whose eyes are still shining with unshed tears. Sua feels her breath hitch as she looks at Siyeon, equally from trying to hold back tears and the close proximity of the other woman. 

“Please don’t cry.” She says quietly, her eyes pleading. Siyeon’s fingers brush some stray hair out of Sua’s face, and Sua grasps onto her fingers like a lifeline. She needs to reciprocate the touch.

“You clearly want me to! You’re too sweet to me…” Sua says, a weak smile ghosting over her lips.

She thinks of all the times before that Siyeon had comforted her, had been there in her worst times, and how she’s still here. Siyeon’s hand is still on Sua’s face, her thumb brushing lightly over the apple of her cheek. Sua leans into her touch more, her own hand still keeping Siyeon’s in place.

“You deserve the best Sua.” Siyeon says quietly, closing her eyes and pulling Sua closer with her free arm.

“ _You’re_ the best, Siyeon.”

It’s all she can muster, but she prays that Siyeon understands even an inkling of what she’s trying to say.

Siyeon opens her eyes, and Sua notices how the younger girl’s eyes linger on her lips before making eye contact. She darts her own eyes down to Siyeon’s lips, a silent challenge she hopes Siyeon notices. They both stare at each other now, unmoving. Siyeon’s eyes are darker than before, and something in the mood shifts. Sua bites the inside of her lip, never has she wanted to kiss someone so badly. 

The moment only lasts a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime. 

“I know I’m the best!” Siyeon says abruptly, standing up and leaving Sua go, the loss of contact like shock to her system. 

Sua only laughs in response, the reality of what had just happened too overwhelming to think about. She feels the flush leaving her face, but she’s sure that Siyeon had already noticed. After all, Sua couldn’t help but think about how rosy Siyeon’s own cheeks were just a moment earlier.

Maybe these feelings weren’t too bad. And honestly, judging by how they act with each other already, it doesn’t seem like much will change if they start dating anyway. She tosses the idea around again, it’s not as scary now… Siyeon being her girlfriend. She likes the way that sounds.

“Girlfriend..” she says under her breath, suppressing a smile.

“Girlfriend WHO?” Siyeon butts in, flicking the side of Sua’s arm.

Sua is as embarrassed as she is shocked, in sheer disbelief she had said that out loud.

“NONE of your business Lee Siyeon!” she huffs out in a weak attempt to save face.

“Aww! Tell me, tell me!” Siyeon says, pouting at her and playfully punching her arm over and over again until Sua intervenes. 

She stands quickly from her chair and grabs Siyeons wrists, pinning them against the wall on opposite sides of her head. Her grip on Siyeon’s wrists isn’t tight at all, but what takes her aback is the way Siyeon fully stops in her tracks and stares at Sua with wide eyes. There’s a veil of desperation behind her gaze, her lips part and Sua can hear her uneven breaths.

Sua’s eyes go wide and she drops Siyeon’s wrists instantly. Siyeon blinks slowly and looks Sua up and down. Sua has never seen that look in her eyes before, one so _wanton_. It makes her stomach twist into a million different knots.

“Wow.” is all Siyeon manages to say. She hasn’t moved an inch. She shakes her head in disbelief and looks Sua up and down again, more slowly this time, causing a wave of electricity to light through Sua’s veins. 

There’s a pregnant pause, and the air is thick.

“Did you get shorter?” Siyeon says, unable to even finish her question without laughing.

“Oh would you stop! You know wanna kiss me so bad.” Sua says, backing off and rolling her eyes. Sua isn’t joking at all, actually, she’s trying to see if she’s right.

“And what if I do?” Siyeon says, a crooked brow and a tilted head taunting the older girl.

“Just confirming what I already know.” Sua retorts, smiling saccharine sweet at the younger woman, her eyes forming into a proud squint.

She has no clue where this bravery came from, but she’s thanking whatever gods decided to smile on her in that moment.

“Well before I embarrass myself any further-”

“You’re cute, not embarrassing.” 

Siyeon rolls her eyes, a crimson shade painting itself on her cheeks.

“Like I was SAYING… We still have to work on that project today Suaaaaa.” She says, dragging out the end of her name cutely.

_Oh shit. Right._ Siyeon is giving her whiplash. How was she supposed to go on with the rest of her day, nonetheless the next five minutes, without replaying that moment in her mind constantly? Siyeon just openly admitted that she wants to kiss Sua. Lee Siyeon, her best friend since time immemorial. And even more shocking is that Sua wants that too. 

She wants Siyeon to kiss her. She wants Siyeon to be hers. 

_“And what if I do?”_ That question, that challenge, sits in the back of Sua’s mind. It’s all she can think about, really.

However, she forces herself to snap out of her Siyeon-induced daydream for a brief moment to, you know, interact with the very real and very gorgeous woman standing in front of her.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. What a party pooper!” She says, feigning annoyance.

“Aww come on, it won’t be too bad. We can sit in that corner of the library that has the nice view of campus. And we can get-”

“Snacks?” Sua finishes for her.

Siyeon giggles.

“Oh Sua you know me so well..” Siyeon says dreamily, bringing the back of her hand to her forehead and fluttering her eyes shut, attempting and being successful at being so incredibly corny.

“Yeah yeah, be quiet and go get ready. You wanna meet back here in 20 minutes and then leave?”

“Sounds good. See ya!” Siyeon says, walking past Sua to get to her room. She goes out of her way to brush up against Sua and slaps her on the ass playfully. 

Sua makes a noise of mock indignance while she reaches out to reciprocate the smack to Siyeon, who has already started speed walking. Sua, of course, never misses, and that light smack on Siyeon’s behind is enough to make the younger woman howl with laughter as she breaks into a run.

Some things really never change.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this chapter is a bit /angstier/ so buckle up! thanks again for all the love on this fic, its really heartwarming hehe

It’s been a half hour now, and Sua admits she takes a little longer than usual to get ready for her and Siyeon’s library date. 

She’s put on a tight black turtleneck, one that hugs her in all the right places, and a simple pair of skinny jeans. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail, but she leaves some hair to frame her face, which itself was accentuated with light makeup. She knew she looked good, and she prayed to whatever god was listening that Siyeon noticed.

The tension and multiple missed opportunities between them were taking their toll on Sua’s sanity. She’s still not ready to admit her feelings, but the thought of kissing Siyeon even once was enough to make her mind go a thousand miles an minute. She craved closure, some resolution to soothe the recurring thoughts at the back of her mind.

She’s looking at herself in her bathroom mirror, making final touch ups when she hears a knock at her door. Sua doesn’t move, her two hands planted on the counter, and she turns her head towards the door to her room.

“Bab-”

She hears a sharp intake of air behind the door, which turns into a series of violent coughs. Sua’s fixated on the way Siyeon definitely almost just called her “babe,” but she’s overcome with worry enough to put it to the side for now.

She opens the door tentatively, trying not to hit Siyeon. The younger girl is doubled over, her hands on her knees, still making a show out of her blunder.

“Are you okay?” Sua asks gently, bending down to look at Siyeon.

The coughs turn into laughs, and Siyeon straightens herself back to her usual stance.

“Yeah I’m okay I just…” She continues laughing.

“Quite the freudian slip there, huh?” Sua teases.

“Yeah I guess so!” Siyeon says, finally calming a bit from her fit.

“You can call me whatever you want, ya know.” Sua says shyly. She doesn’t wanna admit it, but she feels like she’s hanging on the edge of her seat waiting for Siyeon’s response.

Sua is almost positive Siyeon reciprocates her feelings. And maybe it’s selfish of her to want Siyeon to make the first move, but she couldn’t care less at this point. She’s desperate for any kind of confirmation she can get. 

“Okay uh…” Siyeon says. From what Sua can tell, it looks like she’s building up the courage to say something.

“Yes?” Sua says, challenging her. She takes another step forward into Siyeon’s personal space. 

She looks unreal. All she has on is a loose black sweatshirt and some matching black joggers, but she looks like she just stepped out of an issue of Vogue. There’s something about the way that Siyeon can make anything look so gorgeous that makes Sua a little crazy.

“Well now I can’t say it, it has to be  _ natural _ .” Siyeon teases.

Sua pouts and makes a pitiful noise, but accepts defeat.

“Wanna go to the library now then?” She offers.

Siyeon looks grateful for the out, and nods and smiles at Sua sweetly.

…

They’ve only been at the library for 30 minutes and they’re already nestled in the back corner they frequent, taking turns showing each other TikToks. It was nearly impossible for either of them to be quiet, but they tried their best.

Sua leans over the table and rests her chin between her hands.

“Should we actually work?”

Siyeon scrunches her nose and frowns.

“I don’t wanna..” She says, mustering up her cutest voice to try and persuade Sua into procrastinating.

“C’mon Siyeon, we came all this way we should at least do something worthwhile.” Sua chides gently, starting to rustle around in her bag for some papers.

“Okayyyyy I guess…..” she says with a loud sigh, but ultimately ends up pulling out her laptop to help Sua.

They’re surprisingly productive for a while, until they’re interrupted quite abruptly.

“Siyeon?! Is that you? Hi honey!” Says a familiar voice, one Sua knows all too well.

Her blood runs cold when she sees the tall figure of none other than Joy, Siyeon’s ex, rounding the corner. She’s really beautiful, and it makes Sua feel small. Joy was one of the most well known, well-liked people in the entire university. 

Siyeon jumps out of her chair, clearly thrilled to see Joy.

“Hi! How have you been!” she says ecstatically, greeting her with a hug.

Sua sits quietly, gritting her jaw and trying her best not to show how upset she is. This whole interaction was making her incredibly jealous, and very insecure. Her stomach flips over itself a million times, and she feels like she’s gonna be sick.

She’s sitting forgotten at their study table while Siyeon looks more than thrilled to see her ex girlfriend, talking excitedly with her. She sees Siyeon turn around, who beckons her over with a wave and a big smile, but Sua isn’t interested. She does her best to be polite, and shirks her off with a shake of her head as she points to the work she’s laid out on the table.

Siyeon looks a little disappointed, but Joy only responds by shooting her a genuine smile and a wave. Sua tries to focus on her work and not the leg she’s shaking under the table, but she’s not sure how much longer she can sit here in agony and watch.

She glances up at them again to see that Siyeon has disappeared, and that Joy is walking over to her. She feels her heart rate quicken, unsure of why Joy is making her so nervous. 

Joy walks over and sits in Siyeon’s chair, smiling awkwardly as she sits across from Sua.

“Hey..” she says.

“Hi.” Sua responds.

There’s a bit of awkward silence.

“You probably hate me huh.” Joy says, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. Somehow, it seems more friendly than incendiary though.

“Why would I hate you?” Sua says earnestly. She may be jealous of Joy, but she never actually had a reason to dislike her. 

“Well.” Joy says. “You aren’t as good at hiding your emotions as you may think.” Joy says with a giggle.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Sua says snidely. Her patience is wearing thin with this conversation, and the nasty feelings from within are starting to surface.

“You’re so in love with her!” Joy says as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world.

Sua stiffens in her chair and she feels her face growing hot.

“We’re only friends.” Sua says, accidentally putting too much emphasis on the word ‘only.’

“But you don’t wanna be?” Joy says, not missing a beat.

Sua feels so exposed. She’s not angry anymore, just shocked. How did Joy see through her so easily?

Joy smiles knowingly.

“There’s a reason me and Siyeon didn’t work out, you know.” 

“Which was?”

“You, obviously.”

The accusation sets Sua on fire.

“And how is the failure of your relationship  _ my  _ problem?” Sua shoots back, venom laced in her voice.

“Maybe I should have been more specific..” Joy trails off, clearly unphased. “I can see you aren’t exactly seeing what I’m getting at but, all I’ll say is that you two would be  _ very _ cute together.” She says, smiling brightly.

Sua sits quietly, trying to process what Joy had just said. Despite what Joy is saying, she can tell she has no ulterior motive, which was somehow even more confusing.

“Then why wouldn’t you hate  _ me  _ then, since I ‘ruined’ your relationship.” Sua tries to reason.

Joy just shrugs.

“I mean we only dated for what, 2 months? It wasn’t really serious. And I knew how happy you made her, and clearly nothing has changed.”

“So you actually don’t hate me?”

“I really should, for how much Siyeon talks about you. You’re all I ever hear about! Even now, she just blew me off to go get you coffee.” She pauses. “Sorry for ruining the surprise for that, actually.”

“Oh.”

Joy laughs and swats Sua on the arm playfully.

“Stop being so oblivious!”

“I am not!” Sua says immediately, still blushing.

“Aww Siyeon was right, you are cute.” Joy says, smiling widely and crinkling her eyes into small crescents. 

Sua blushes even harder. 

“So now promise me you don’t hate me.” Joy says. “I need some verbal confirmation here, hun.”

“I don’t hate you..” Sua says, a little embarrassed at the entire conversation they’d just had.

“And promise me you’ll stop being chickenshit and make a move.” Joy says, more firmly than before.

Sua’s eyes widen at her change in tone.

“I’m kidding, calm down.” Joy says, laughing at the way Sua visibly relaxes.

“You feel like you can take the stick out of your ass now?” Joy continues, hell-bent on teasing Sua.

“I guess! You know it’s hard not to be extremely intimidated by you.” Sua says honestly.

“I felt the same way.” Joy says. “That’s why I wanted to sort things out, I had a feeling we both were misunderstanding each other.”

Sua nods, and she is very grateful for Joy’s forwardness.

“Yeah I guess so. Thanks, Joy.”

“Mhm. This better mean I get to be a bridesmaid at your guys’ wedding now.” She says with a scoff, standing up from the table.

Sua responds by rolling her eyes and giving her a dismissive wave, which makes Joy erupt into laughter.

“I’ll see you around, Sua. Good luck.” Joy says, and begins to walk away.

Sua feels like she’s just been hit by a freight train. The feelings of jealousy are still sitting at the bottom of her stomach, but she can’t help but feel relieved in some way. Their entire conversation hadn’t lasted longer than 5 minutes, but with how emotionally charged it was, Sua is exhausted. Sua begins to distract herself with more work, only having to wait a few more minutes until Siyeon returns.

The younger girl comes back with coffees for both of them, and some pastries. She’s smiling gently, but Sua can tell she feels a little uneasy.

“Hey! I got us some food.”

“Thank you Singie, very thoughtful.” Sua says with a wide smile, snatching up her own drink with no hesitation.

It’s a little awkward, but Siyeon is the first to speak up.

“Sorry about Joy.” she says quietly.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Siyeon.” Sua says.

“But I know you don’t really like her-” Siyeon gets cut off.

“No. I do. She came over here and talked to me after you left, she’s really sweet. And even if I didn’t like her, that’s no reason for you to apologize at all.”

Siyeon tilts her head, and her eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Yeah. We talked stuff out.” Sua says vaguely, not wanting to disclose what they had discussed.

“Oh. Okay.”

There’s another silence.

“You just always acted weird around her when we dated.” Siyeon adds.

Sua winces a little. Yep, still jealous. She’s beyond frustrated that she still feels insecure, which is only adding onto how drained she is from her encounter with Joy.

“Can we talk about something else?” Sua says, a little snippier than intended.

“Why?” Siyeon says. It’s clear she’s not trying to argue, just trying to understand. But Sua is growing more and more frustrated with herself. She wishes she could just be honest with her about how she feels.

“I just don’t wanna talk about it. We’re fine now.”

“Okay.” Siyeon says somewhat quietly.

The mood tanked instantly, both girls keeping to themselves for the remainder of their time at the library, working in silence for another half hour. Sua is grateful for the momentary distraction, but she needs to vent about everything that had just happened or else she’s going to explode. It’s hard to pretend like she can be productive right now, nonetheless emotionally sound.

“I’m gonna go home. Will you come with me?”

Siyeon looks up from her laptop, her eyes look incredibly sad.

“I still have work to do..” she says quietly. “I’ll meet you at home.”

“Okay. I’ll see you for dinner?” Sua says, trying to salvage the mood in any way that she possibly could. Seeing Siyeon this upset was rare, and she feels like she kicked a puppy.

“Yeah.” is all that Siyeon says.

Sua walks home alone.

...

When she gets in the door, she’s greeted excitedly by both Yoohyeon and Jiu.

“Hey!” They say in unison, stopping dead in their tracks when they see how dejected Sua looks, even more shocked that she’s not accompanied by Siyeon.

“Where’s Siyeon? Are you okay? Is she okay?” Their questions seem unending, and Sua can’t be bothered to answer them.

She bows her head to try and hide the tears that fall. Jiu is the first to be at her side.

“Oh honey, it’s okay. Let's go sit down.” Her tone is equally commanding and comforting, and it calms Sua a bit. 

Jiu wraps her arm around Sua’s waist, and guides her to their sofa. Jiu and Yoohyeon sit on both sides of Sua as she sits and cries, sobs racking her body. Yoohyeon grabs her hand and holds it between both of her own, and Jiu brushes through her hair as she lets out everything she’d been holding in.

Sua is embarrassed to have broken down so intensely at all, nonetheless in front of her friends. It’s a few minutes before she calms down enough to talk. 

“I have feelings for Siyeon.” She says quietly, hiccuping at the end of her sentence.

Sua sees Jiu and Yoohyeon exchange a wide-eyed glance, but their attention is immediately back on her.

“Have you told her yet?” Yoohyeon asks quietly.

“No. I think she thinks I’m mad at her right now.”

“How come?”

Sua takes her time to explain all that had happened in the last few hours, which elicits nods and hums from the two girls. Yoohyeon’s eyebrows are furrowed in intense concentration while she listens, and Jiu continues carding her fingers through Sua’s hair. 

“So she has no idea why you were so upset with the situation?” Yoohyeon questions.

“I guess not.” Sua says.

“I don’t know if you wanna hear this, but I think you should apologize, Sua. She has no way of knowing that first of all, you like her, and second, that it’s the reason why you were super overwhelmed.”

Sua nods sadly, guilt racking her thoughts. 

“I know. I’m just really scared she doesn’t feel the same way. Then I’ll just have been an ass for no reason  _ and _ I’ll lose my best friend.”

“You won’t lose her, honey.” Yoohyeon says.

“You don’t know that for sure.” Sua says, her voice getting weak.

Yoohyeon sighs, squeezing Sua’s hand in her own.

“All I’m saying is that if you really want to be with Siyeon, I think you at least owe it to her to be honest. You’ve had time to sit on your feelings and if you want to be with her, you need to tell her.”

“I promise, it’ll all be fine Sua.” Jiu adds. “We’re all rooting for you.”

Sua nods, and takes a deep breath. She knows now what she has to do, and she has to mentally prepare herself for it.

“I’m gonna go shower and try and calm down before Siyeon comes home. Thank you guys.” She says, leaving the two girls, who remain on the couch.

...

It’s been an hour, and Sua has mostly regained her composure. She rehearsed everything she wanted to say at least thirty times, and she’s sitting in bed waiting for Siyeon to come home. She’s incredibly nervous, but mostly focused on apologizing. She wants to be a good girlfriend, but she needs to own up to everything first.

She runs over everything in her head one more time as she hears the front door being unlocked. Sua takes a deep breath and goes out to see Siyeon. When they make eye contact, everything she had just agonized over leaves her head instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also gonna promote myself at the end here, but i recently wrote a short jibo oneshot if that's something you're interested in! and full disclosure, i've already started on another haha. if you want, come bother me on twitter @sapphicirene :3 thanks for all the love!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did NOT realize how short this chapter was LMAOOO <3 .. but hey! it's finally over hehe, hope you enjoy mwah

Siyeon still looks incredibly sad when she walks in the door. Her eyes seem almost pleading as she closes the door behind her and looks at Sua wordlessly.

“Can we talk?” Sua says.

She sees Siyeon’s bottom lip quiver and her eyes fill with tears. Siyeon opens her mouth to speak but Sua runs up to her and wraps her in the most loving embrace she could muster. It breaks her to see the younger woman so sad, especially knowing it was her own fault.

She hears Siyeon start sobbing, and she pulls her head into the crook of her neck, cradling Siyeons head and allowing her to cry. Siyeon’s arms wrap around Sua tightly, tugging at the material of her shirt. They stay like that for a while, and Sua does her best to calm her.

“It’s okay Siyeon, we’re okay.”

Hearing this just makes Siyeon cry harder, her fingers grabbing more desperately at Sua’s shirt.

“I don’t wanna lose you Sua.” Siyeon sobs out. Sua can feel tears soaking through her shirt, and she pets the back of Siyeon’s head.

“You’re not gonna lose me Siyeon. I’m right here.” 

They stay like that for a few more moments.

“I’m right here, Siyeon.” She repeats. 

Sua can feel Siyeon’s breathing evening out and the tears slow with some time. Siyeon peels herself off of Sua gently to look at her.

Sua’s heart hurts, seeing her like this. Her eyes are ridiculously puffy and red, and her face is blotchy from crying.

“Can I take care of you before we talk?”

Siyeon nods slowly, and Sua moves her arm to Siyeon’s side, guiding her to her bathroom and closing the door behind them.

Sua closes the toilet lid and puts a towel down for Siyeon to sit on. She’s still sniffling and crying a little. Sua grabs a washcloth from her cabinet and wets it with warm water. Sua leans into Siyeon and cups the side of her face gently, and uses her other hand to gently clean Siyeon up with the rag. 

“Are you mad at me?” Siyeon blurts out. She still looks devastated and unsure.

“I’m not mad at you at all. I care so much about you Siyeon.” Sua says sadly, continuing to wipe Siyeon’s face.

“Does that feel better?”

Siyeon nods.

“Can I change into one of your shirts?” Siyeon asks quietly.

“Of course. I’ll be right back. Or do you wanna come with me?” Sua asks.

Siyeon responds by standing up and intertwining her fingers with Sua’s, and the two girls walk the short distance to her room together.

They’re still silent, and Sua rifles through her pajamas to find a shirt, and Siyeon eventually settles on her oversized powder blue shirt with a little dog doodle on the front. Sua smiles to herself because she knew that would be the shirt Siyeon chose, she always complimented Sua on it.

Sua turns away to let Siyeon change, and she changes into pajamas as well. 

Sua sits on her bed now, with her back against the wall, waiting for Siyeon to join her. Mere seconds later Siyeon appears in front of Sua, sitting cross legged between Sua’s spread legs. 

“Before I say anything, are you okay Siyeon?” Sua asks quietly.

“I think so, yeah.” She responds meekly. 

“Okay. Uhh. Well first of all I’m really sorry for how I acted at the library. I shouldn’t have been so short with you. It’s just that I-” Sua takes a long pause. Her heart feels like it’s gonna beat out of her chest. She decides to beat around the bush a bit more.

“Well. I was just jealous of Joy.”

“Why?” Siyeon says, eyebrows furrowing.

“Because she’s your ex. And she’s really intimidating and popular..” Sua trails off.

“But you were jealous?”

“Yeah.. I was just really frustrated with myself and I felt guilty for being jealous, and then of course Joy was super sweet and you’re always super sweet-” Sua notices she’s rambling and stops talking.

Sua takes a deep breath to try and calm herself down before she continues.

“So what I’m trying to say here is that…

Sua is cut off by the feeling of Siyeon’s lips on her own. She gasps at first, but relaxes into Siyeon’s lips. It's a slow kiss, a tentative one. It’s soft and unsure and safe and it makes Sua dizzy. Her heart never stops racing, and Siyeon’s lips pressed against her own sends jolts of electricity down her spine. Siyeon is the first to pull away.

“I love you, Siyeon.”

She responds by pulling Sua back in for another kiss, this one needier and more desperate. Sua places her hand on the back of Siyeon’s neck, deepening the kiss even further. They kiss for what seems like forever, the silence in the room being punctuated by sharp intakes of air in the few seconds they can bear to separate. This kiss is different, it’s messy and it’s insatiable. It eventually slows when both pairs of lips are swollen and aching, and it’s clear they both were compensating for lost time and wasted opportunities. 

Eventually, Sua pulls away gently, and rests her forehead against Siyeon’s, both women gasping for air, their breaths heavy and mingling in the small space between them.

“I love you so much, Sua.” Siyeon says quietly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Siyeon. I was just really afraid to lose you and I didn’t think I even had a chance. It just felt like everything was crumbling around me and I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with you.”

“I love you. You won’t lose me.”

Siyeon crawls into Sua’s arms, pressing small kisses to any exposed skin she could find, every contact of lips and skin sends liquid fire through Sua’s veins. Her brain was going haywire, and it was still hard to believe any of this was happening. They sit in silence until Sua works up the courage to speak again.

“Siyeon, will you be my girlfriend?” Sua says weakly, kissing the top of her head and pulling her closer.

“I thought you’d never ask..” Siyeon trails off, giggling lightly as Sua makes a noise of mock indignation.

Siyeon laughs and crawls away from Sua, who instantly chases her down. Siyeon lays on her back and looks up at Sua, who was positioned inches above her. The teasing atmosphere helps to assuage both of the girls’ nerves, otherwise Sua knew she would be a blubbering mess.

“God, you’re hot.” Siyeon says, biting her lip and wiggling her eyebrows at the older girl.

Sua just laughs, and pins Siyeon’s wrists above her head for what seems like the millionth time that week.

“And I’m all yours now!” Sua says, giggling and planting kisses all over Siyeon’s face, which makes the other girl squirm and laugh with her.

“Yeah, you’re my..” She pauses. “... _girlfriend_.” Siyeon says proudly, a smirk extending to half of her face. “NOW I know what you meant earlier, babe.”

Sua’s mouth is agape, half because Siyeon just called her _that_ and half because she was mortified that Siyeon remembered that exchange.

“Close your mouth!” Siyeon says jokingly.

“And why would I do that!” Sua says, in mock offense.

“So I can kiss you?” Siyeon says, as if Sua is being obtuse.

“Oh.”

Siyeon flips Sua over, and Sua blushes intensely. Siyeon lowers her face to Sua’s gently and she pauses. Sua takes a moment to take Siyeon in. Her eyes are sparkling, and she looks so _happy_. Sua thinks she’s the prettiest girl she’s ever seen, and she counts her blessings endlessly when she realizes Siyeon is shyly averting her gaze to look at Sua’s lips.

“Can I kiss you?” She asks quietly.

Sua pulls Siyeon into her, not bothering to answer with words. She smiles messily into the kiss, and feels Siyeon mirror her grin. She’d waited so long for this, for her, and it’s everything she expected and so much more.

Siyeon feels like home, like her future. Siyeon feels like the blinding rays of sun that shine through after a day of unrelenting rain, the kind that was strong enough to grow flowers through the concrete. 

They pull apart again, and both girls are dizzied by how _good_ it feels to be with each other.

“I love you, Siyeon.”

“Forever?”

“I’ll love you in every forever we have.” Sua says sweetly.

Siyeon smiles. “Ah so cheesy…” She responds, a wide smile still on her face.

“But you love it.”

“I love YOU, Sua.” she pauses. “Your corniness..” 

Sua’s eyebrows scrunch together menacingly.

“..Just as much, if not even more!” Siyeon finishes.

Both girls laugh, and snuggle into the warmth of each other. It’s calm and quiet, and Sua is happy. There’s no more what-ifs, no more questions, no more doubt, it’s just her and Siyeon against the world, and it’s everything she’s ever wanted.

Love is a wild thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also editing through this i kinda realized how rusty i was with writing in general, but i've definitely gotten into the swing of things again. i have 2 jibo fics in the works right now, one being for the upcoming pirate fic fest so, if that's your thing look forward to it :p ... thanks again for all the love, and come bother me on twitter if you feel so inclined @sapphicirene :D


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